Reflection: Where in my adult relationships am I still responding from an old wound instead of the present moment?

Losing my mom didn’t just shape my grief — it shaped the way I love, attach, and protect myself. Losing my brother at the same time, through distance and silence, taught me lessons about connection. I didn’t even realize I was learning these lessons.

I learned that love disappears overnight. That people can be taken from you without warning. That closeness isn’t guaranteed — even when it’s deserved.

As an adult, this shows up in the way I attach to people. I crave closeness deeply, but I’m terrified of losing it. I want connection, yet I brace myself for abandonment. I love hard, but I’m always watching for the moment it is taken away.

I learned to overextend myself emotionally. I became the one who answers the phone, who listens, and who holds space. Somewhere along the way, I learned that love means staying available no matter how much it hurts.

At the same time, I learned to shut down parts of myself. To pull back before someone else can. To keep pieces of my pain private, because I learned early that not everyone stays when things get heavy.

Sibling trauma taught me that silence doesn’t always mean lack of love — sometimes it means fear. And that realization has softened the way I view people who pull away. But it has also made me work harder to protect my own heart, so I don’t confuse compassion with self-abandonment.

Healing has taught me something important. I can understand why someone coped the way they did. I do this without excusing the hurt it caused me.

I can love without chasing. I can offer space without disappearing. I can be here without losing myself.

The little girl in me learned love through loss. The adult version of me is learning love through boundaries, safety, and choice.

And that — that feels like real healing.

X.O.X.O. The Healing Wildflower