There’s this version of me that the world keeps trying to simplify — like I’m supposed to be moved by a compliment about my body or feel desired just because someone says they want me. But that’s not my language since I’ve gotten sober. Honestly? Sex was a toy/game for me for a long time. It was a manipulation tactic on both side.. thing that anchors me. I could go without it for months and never miss it.

Today, what I can’t go without is connection — the real kind. The kind that makes my nervous system unclench. The kind that makes me feel like someone actually knows me, not the performance of me.

I don’t need a man telling me how sexy I look. I need a man who can tell me what he admires about my soul. What he notices about the way I love, the way I carry myself, the way I survive. I need someone who feels like home — not because he’s perfect, but because he’s present. Someone who makes my mind feel safe, not small. I crave the kind of authenticity that doesn’t flinch when things get deep. Vulnerability that isn’t scared of the dark parts. Genuine interest in what I think, how I feel, what I dream about when no one’s asking. I want a partner who leans in, not away… who supports my passions, respects my boundaries, and values my mind just as much as my body. Honestly, sometimes I feel like its impossible to find somebody who does all three of those..

To me, intimacy isn’t about physical touch first. It’s about being seen. It’s about being heard. It’s about being understood in a way that makes me exhale without even realizing I was holding my breath.

In a world that’s constantly trying to shrink women down to their bodies, I’m over here wanting something that goes soul-deep. I want someone who sees the whole of me — the soft pieces, the fire, the fears, the healing parts, the messy parts — and doesn’t judge or try to control my growth.

I need a man who can apologize without ego. Who can navigate conflict with empathy instead of defensiveness. Who wants to build trust instead of assuming it’s his by default.

Because I deserve a love that nourishes me. A love that grows me. A love that honors who I am, not who I can be used for.

And I’m done settling for anything less than that.

XOXO,

Healing Wild Flower